


the kids don't wanna come home

by tiesmp3



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Child Abuse, Hogwarts AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Modern AU, Past Child Abuse, although i DONT HAVE AN ENDING PLANNED so itll go how it goes i guess., yaaaaay im so excited for this ehehe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-03-20
Packaged: 2018-09-19 02:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9414206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiesmp3/pseuds/tiesmp3
Summary: you don't know how to give love to anyoneyou don't know how to pretendyou tell your kids that they'd live long foreverbut the kids don't wanna come home again.-the kids don't wanna come home, declan mckenna===in which everyone gets their hogwarts letter. lowercase intentional!





	1. i don't know what i want

**Author's Note:**

> ive been planning this fic for ages please enjoy my child!!
> 
> follow me:  
> on tumblr [@wtmbway](wtmbway.tumblr.com)  
> on instagram [@okaybway](instagram.com/okaybway)  
> on twitter [@wtmbway](https://mobile.twitter.com/wtmbway)
> 
> thank you!!!

credence barebone, aged 10, going on 11.

he wears a long black coat and stands on the steps of a particularly large bank somewhere in london - credence rarely ever knows where he really is, except that his house is next to a park and a tube station that he's never allowed to go near without his ma.

he looks toward his ma, who is talking about witchcraft. something about the way she speaks about it makes him mad. it makes the thumping inside him get stronger. not his heartbeat - that's always particularly fast - but his shaking gets a lot more noticeable (especially to other people, as his older sister chastity points out during these rallies and tells him to "cut it out before he gets what's coming to him") and he can feel _it_ boiling deep inside him.

he's never really been able to put a name to _it_. _it_ lives inside him and comes out when he's really really mad, and _it_ hurts a lot of people sometimes. but usually _it_ is nothing more than a bother, another thing for him to keep at bay and hidden inside him.

like the time he accidentally made an entire whistling kettle of tea explode without so much as looking at it, and no one was _there_ but chastity came in the aftermath and told on him. he was eight then, but he's still got those marks on his hands so he tells himself never to look at the kettle again.

some woman passes by credence and bumps shoulders with him, and he stumbles ever so slightly but the woman doesn't look back; he turns back toward the crowd and notices ma giving him that stare, and he shakes his head. he can almost hear chastity now ("you made her do that, you know!") and he sighs, shuffling the leaflets he holds in his hands.

he offers a pamphlet to a rather overwhelmed looking man, who turns to him and barks something about _fucking salemers ruining his commute always, always nuisances_ and credence tries not to show how hurt he is at the man's choice of words, about how he'd never ever heard someone use that word at him except only once when his ma told him to never repeat it after they'd passed an arguing couple that one time and credence asked what it meant.

"but where there is light, there is shadow, friends."

ma continues her usual spiel and credence starts zoning out, watching the people passing by.

his eyes meet with those of a boy who must be his age, with messy auburn hair and green eyes and a galaxy of freckles on his face - credence stands, frozen, captivated, mouth slightly agape - and then the boy offers him the kindest smile he's ever seen before he continues on his path.

"and laugh if you dare: witches live among us!"


	2. if i'm completely honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> your mother was a witch.

credence barebone, aged 11. today.

it's only natural that no one remembered. that happens every year. and then credence would remind them and ma would tell him "that's nice", and one year he didn't have to go to that rally that fell on his birthday.

that day, credence learned that his home is very nice and calm when no one is there, even though ma had made him clean the house while she was gone. it was still a very good birthday.

credence wonders about birthdays. he remembers once chastity was allowed to have a friend over for her birthday, when she was turning twelve. he thinks they talked all day, because all he remembers is the giggling coming from chastity's room, and then ma coming in and being absolutely furious and forcing chastity's friend out of their house.

he can't possibly know why. maybe, he thinks, it's because of the fact she brought lollipops and gave one to credence when he'd never really had anything sugary in his life. it was a red one, and the stickiness stayed on his fingers for hours and tinted his tongue brighter until the next day. he remembers how it tasted sickly but so sweet, and how when he asked ma if he could have one a week later she got especially angry.

his arms sting at the thought. he shakes it away.

he is sitting on his bed when, suddenly, he hears chastity walking up the stairs, her steps heavy as she reaches his room. "credence, go and-and get the post," she says almost immediately, turning on the ball of her foot to walk back down.

credence follows almost at her heels, and when he reaches the landing at the bottom he makes for the door without looking around at all–if ma sees him, she'll probably be furious or something. this is chastity's job, but he's never complained about it and he finds the moments he spends outside quite refreshing.

even though he's not supposed to–he'll probably get in immense trouble for sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, but it's not like it hasn't happened before–he sifts through the post, and when he finds a letter in patricular, he stops.

addressed to credence barebone.

_okay, this is a mistake._

through all his doubt, he sticks the letter in an inside pocket of his coat and holds it in place with his elbow. he walks back inside, handing off the rest of the post to chastity, who gives him nothing more than a nod. credence returns up to his room with the letter in his hand and _it_ thumping in his chest _why are you so excited please calm down_  and _it_ is so restless but credence isn't angry so why and  _please please be still_.

he tears it open and feels a stinging in his finger; he's given himself a papercut but it numbs as soon as he picks the letter out of its envelope. rather, his entire body numbs.

_for me._

the paper shakes when he pulls it out of the envelope–it is, obviously, the quivering in his hand and the thumping in his chest that is not his heart but something much thicker and ferocious and just waiting to come alive.

the heading on the paper reads

_HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY_

and _it_ ceases to still but his heart may be the rapid one now, too. his head begins to spin and he forces himself to his feet in an attempt to ground himself only to fall backwards. his entire face is flushing and he can't think–this feeling is so surreal–and suddenly he can feel _it_ eating away at his being and with all his might pulls _it_  back toward him. this is just him being dramatic.

 _but_ it _is so real_ , he tells himself, and he turns back to the letter, rereading the header because it's all he can bear to do.

witchcraft and wizardry.

his ma had always warned him about witches. this piece of paper doesn't mean he _is_ one. he is dreaming, he decides, and when he awakens he will have no letter and he will not be a witch–

and maybe, just maybe, _it_  will go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is mcgonagall the headmistress in modern times??? who knows??? my au my rules boiz!!! also incase anyone on earth is wondering yes just about every major character will be in this ;0
> 
> follow me:  
> on tumblr [@agewthgrace](agewthgrace.tumblr.com)  
> on instagram [@irlcredencebarebone](instagram.com/irlcredencebarebone)  
> on wattpad [@irlcredencebarebone](wattpad.com/user/irlcredencebarebone) and [@aiexanderhamiiton](wattpad.com/user/aiexanderhamiiton)
> 
> thank you!!!


	3. i guess i could start a war

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the alley brings back memories that credence doesnt want to recognize as truly his, as truly real - but, at this point, anything could be real.

credence barebone, age 11, steps out into the chill of london in the spring.

he is bombarded by the bitter scent of cigarette smoke; he feels it in his throat and it burns going down, like if the taste were the smog from a match burning in his mouth. he toys with the leaflets in his hands as he walks onto the curb, fiddling with the corners but being careful not to bend them. ma would _know_.

he hands some of the papers toward passersby - they take them, but never keep them. he always sees them dump the leaflets in the nearest trash bin as soon as he walks away. he doesn't mind. in fact, he'd rather that happen than him have to throw the leaflets out on his own. because, somehow, ma would know.

she just _does_. and how? credence has never learned.

credence looks up and suddenly the path he knows is gone - he's been in this situation before, he thinks, or at least he has a feeling of deja vu. he turns around, against the flow of people in the streets, and walks the opposite way before approaching a gap between two buildings and coming to a sudden halt.

he peers into the gap, which leads out to the street in the opposite block. he _has_ been here before.

the alley brings back memories that credence doesn't want to recognize as truly his, as truly real - but, at this point, anything could be real. he brings his hand toward the inner pocket of his coat with a sudden motion, as though it may have disappeared. a sigh of relief comes over him as he feels the piece of parchment poking out from his coat. he pulls it out to read it over again, still incredulous at the mere idea of his being chosen to attend a school of witchcraft and wizardry. _imagine_  the look on ma's face!

he shudders at the thought, shaking out his free hand so feeling returns to it. his fingertips have gone prickly numb, like if he's been holding up his hand for some time at a bible study. thinking of that gets him thinking of ma again and suddenly his entire body feels that way, too.

at this point, credence is so lost in thought that he is not well aware of his surroundings - all he knows right now is himself, and the letter, and his sweaty-cold hands that shiver as he holds the worn-looking piece of paper between his purplish fingertips. he is so lost in thought that he barely notices that something - green, small, would have been unnoticeable if not for the fact that he's looking down - runs past him, and that someone else is chasing after it.

credence looks up to see that same someone barreling towards him, eyes locked on the ground to chase after whatever it was, and he is so certain that he's seen this boy before -

then all he sees is sky, and it takes him more time than it should to realize that he is on the ground, on his back, and the middle portion of his spine hurts, and there is a black vignette around his vision for a moment before he is snapped back to real time.

"i am _so_ sorry, oh my goodness -" comes a voice from above credence. credence sits up, holding a hand to his head in an attempt to regain his bearings. the boy he sees before him, albeit unfocused, is familiar in a deja vu sense, and credence can't seem to put his finger on it.

his first instinct after this is to stick his hand toward his pocket, and a dawning pang of terror floods him as soon as he realizes that he has lost the letter -

he jumps to his feet and immediately regrets it, having to hold out a hand toward the wall as his head forces the world sideways. the concrete beneath him teeters in different directions, and then his vision blurs together all at once until he can let go of the wall without having to vomit. "i - er, it's - it's okay," credence manages, realizing that the boy ahead of him is still watching him with curiosity and worry flashing conflictingly across his gaze. credence's eyes travel to the boy's hands, where he holds a familiar piece of parchment.

"oh, that - that's mine," credence says, trying his best to sound polite. "c-could i have it?"

the boy's eyes light up, and he, half-ignoring credence's request, opens it slightly. "oh, my -"

"no, no, don't -"

"a _hogwarts_ letter!"

credence furrows his eyebrows, carefully approaching the boy as one would a dangerous animal. "how - how do you know that?" it then crosses credence's mind that this boy is most likely not illiterate, and he has to physically restrain himself from hitting himself in the face.

"oh, i've got one of those, too!" the boy puts credence's letter under his arm and reaches into his own coat to pull the letter from his inside pocket. he beams widely at credence, and credence returns it with only a close-mouthed smile, halfway forced. meanwhile, credence's mind swirls with questions he'd like to ask but never would.

"look, look - okay - 'dear mr. scamander' - that's my name, you see -"

"what's your name?" the question is out of credence's mouth before he realizes it, and he mutters an apology while the other boy stares at him.

"you've no reason to apologize, but i guess it's alright. no, my name's newt - well, newton, or like, newton artemis fido scamander. but that's the full name, the only people who call me that are my mum and dad and sometimes my teachers." he freezes, smiling sheepishly. "sorry, i've gone off on a tangent. anyway, what's your name?"

credence, lost in thought, barely registers the question. "credence. credence barebone," he says, dazed. he tosses the boy's name around in his head. _newt_. it's nice. it sounds warm, like a blanket when it's snowing out. comforting.

"ooh, that's a cool name. i like it. very fitting for a wizard. cool. watch out for dangerous wizard credence barebone!"

 _dangerous_  gets _it_ riling up and credence takes a step back from newt, obviously causing him some concern. credence takes a few deep breaths, has to remind himself that he is not dangerous unless he lets himself be _i am in control - no you're not - yes i am_  and then he exhales, pursing his lips together and unclenching fists he didn't even know were there.

"er - are you okay? sorry, i didn't mean it -"

"no! no," credence insists, smiling - forced, but genuine-looking enough. "no, i - i'm fine, sorry, i - i didn't mean to worry you."

"s'alright," newt replies, smiling right back - credence thinks it's real and feels immediately guilty for lying to him. lying is a sin. _lying is a sin credence you've just sinned how do you feel about that._

"oh!" newt says suddenly, and hands credence back the folded letter. "sorry i kept it." he looks up at the sky, then gasps suddenly. "i'm so sorry, i need to get home. maybe we could - could come back here and meet again? i'd like to talk to you, maybe. if y'wanted to. sorry, that's so weird -"

"of course," credence replies, only a bit too eagerly, and mentally hits himself for it. "y - yes? yes."

newt smiles. "okay, tomorrow, then? if you can?"

"i'll try." credence shrugs, a bit because he doesn't know what to do and a bit because he really doesn't know if he'll be allowed out of the church after having spent so long here.

immediately, newt's grin widens so much that credence fears it will overtake the freckles. "that's wonderful! oh - bye!"

"bye," credence calls, half-hearted. it leaves his chest empty and all he hears is his heartbeat and the constant, ceaseless swirling of _it._ it becomes the soundtrack to his walk back home.


End file.
